Stirring Up A Hornet's Nest

I love Westerns. I love watching cowboys ride bucking broncos, and watching pioneer families settle the wild west. I grew up watching Bonanza and Little House on the Prairie. Quite recently (this last year really)  my husband and I have revisited the western genre. Our Netflix search has yielded many a good western movie-  True Grit, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid and Open Range to name a few.  I love being transported to those idyllic wild west days. Until I saw Lonesome Dove. As we watched our way through the episodes, my entire romantic idea of the wild west completely changed. For the first time I was disturbed by what I saw. For the first time I watched a western that was a reality check instead of a dreamy "cowboys and Indians" show. (Just an aside here I know that it is a work of fiction and the bad portions were Hollywood's interpretation BUT I also know there is some truth to the reality it presented). There were really bad people- REALLY bad in this show. Men who murdered innocents. (and yes there were some really GOOD men too) This revelation needled me like a thorn in my side. I guess in some ways I finally put some things together in my own head--and well maybe you have already put this together but for some reason I just did---and maybe you do not romanticize certain period of history in your mind--but I do. (especially Wild West days and Medieval days) Anyway here was my startling light bulb moment: People have done horribly horrifically awful (can I even use that many adverbs in a row?) things in history. (Now before you "duh" me let me finish this thought)--   so if people have done bad evil things in times gone by where t.v., computer games and "media violence" did not exist how can we now in our "modern" society blame all the violence on the media? (uhoh I stirred up a hornets nest). I have been thinking really hard about this idea that violent media (video games and t.v./movies) are the cause of our violent culture--of the violence and anger and meanness in ourselves....hmm....I think not. Our society--our culture has RUN so hard and so fast away from the truth (the TRUTH being that we are all sinners and that Christ came to die for our sins-our culture literally running away from God)--we seek to blame something for the violence. We look everywhere because it could not be .... US?  Ahh no.... lets see violent media looks like a worthy suspect! But is it really? So then how did Cain know how to kill Abel? (this was the VERY FIRST murder) Battlefield 3 right? oh no wait it was Left for Dead! Ummm nope. Guess what it was? SIN. Sin in ourselves is the cause of violence in our culture. Sin came first. Then violence. Then the media portraying violence---a mirror of our society. Violence is not new. Murder is not new. It has been since the beginning--all because Adam and Eve sinned. Our world has spiraled into darkness of sin with only one light. So these are only my first musings---but I guess the thought I leave you with is the next time you hear some study revealing some video game or movie as cause of violence in our culture, or as promoting amoral behavior--really? I think we got that covered all by ourselves media or not. We are sinners and we do bad regardless of what we watch.

My Free Range Journey

This is going to be a bit of an unusual post for me---more reflection and personal realization than documenting family events. More vulnerable. More of my heart.  Here goes...
           I recently read Free-Range Kids: Giving our Children the Freedom We Had without Going Nuts With Worry.  First the title intrigued me--just what does free-range kid mean? Seriously, the picture that came to mind was a herd of kids grazing in a field. Long Hair. Wild eyes. This is not too far from the reality. What I have surmised upon reading is that most of us 30 somethings--and older were free rangers. We grew up playing outside from dawn till the street lights came on. We walked to school or at least to the bus stop. We went to the corner store by ourselves. We played at our neighbors. We were free. We were among the 70% of kids who played outside (compare that with the mere 30% of today --ugh) (Skenazy 8). So what happened? How did we go from being wild and free to being too scared to let our kids out of our sight?(what Skenazy calls "helicopter parenting")  I was raised "free range" and knew it was something I wanted for MY kids --but then I actually HAD kids and my whole world view changed. Why??? Is this world really so horribly different than the one I grew up in? ARE more kids being killed? Abducted? (and all those other horrible things that can happen, are they really happening more?) Skenazy presents tons of evidence, statistics (if you want to have those statistics read the book I am not going to list them all here) proposing that things aren't really worse than they were--only these bad things are more visible (thank you to the news stations). Of course the media wouldn't be what it is without ratings and we all know how they get those--the cliff hanger--leaving us teetering on the edge of our seats with suspense---and fear. I bought into  that--as they say hook, line and sinker. I bought the line that everybody is out to get my kids, take them, hurt them. Only here's the crazy part: I did not know how intensely I held that lie to my heart until a few years ago.
     My older two wanted to ride their bikes around the block-ALONE. I just about had a heart attack. "WHY?" I asked. "Just because, mom" (boys then 7 and 5) My husband told them yes. I proceeded to hyperventilate. He looked at me curiously--what's the big deal? You walk the block with them and the dog everyday--sometimes twice a day, they know all the neighbors, you taught them to stay on the side of the road, AND its a quiet block--one side is a dead end street--what are you worried about? What was I worried about??? I started ticking off my mental list and then HE said, "they'll be fine. You cannot hold their hand ALL the time." So there it began. My personal journey in letting go and allowing my kids to graze freely ..ummm I mean be free range. It is not an easy road of letting go. Often I find myself closing my eyes and "not looking".
    So last summer when the bigs (then almost 8 and 6) decided to build an outdoor shelter out of branches and request to sleep outside...well I relented with some stipulations. My husband purchased army pup tents (much better than a pile of branches they can do that when they are older) . They had to stay in their tent after we went to bed and if one decided not to finish the night outside he had to make sure and drag his brother in. They had a BLAST. I, on the other hand, did not sleep a wink. They were so proud of themselves. I was proud too... of them and myself. I did it! And nothing bad happened!
So the journey continues to the present day--I need to run around the corner to the veggie stand. Older boys are enmeshed in a game. They do not want to leave. I call my husband. He says they will be fine. I sigh. Boy this is NOT easy. I leave. I pick up veggies and fruit. I return. They are FINE. In fact, it was easier to not drag them away from their game. Now I leave them once a week for an hour or so--with rules- no going outside (unless there's a fire) no answering the phone and obviously no answering the door.
   This is a hard walk for me. I worry so much about what other moms will think of me--will they think I am a BAD mom? If someone finds out will they call the cops on me? (yes I have had that happen--long story short kids were in the car in a parking lot, I was standing about 20 feet away talking to another mom within sight of the car-several hours later I received a phone call from the police asking if I had left my children unattended in a parking lot at such and such time???? seriously???) I was freaked for months years (till today.) I am worried that somebody will accuse me of being a BAD mom and take my kids from me.
Ahhh but then I hear a gentle whisper---Louise--hello it's me GOD---read your BIBLE. umm ok. and these scriptures pop through my head like heated popcorn kernels ...."For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of sound mind and body."  2 Titus 1:7 Oh yah and do not forget--don't worry  (check out Mathew 6:25)

this is SO classic-try to get them posed for a NICE picture and this is what you  get...

Right I know, but these are MY kids--my heart walking outside my body.
And then HE says ummm no they are MINE. I can take care of them. TRUST ME. ugh. ok.
 So there it is. This is what this book made me think about. It is worth reading. She is FUNNY. Her statistics are a bit startling. And like any other parenting advice book--take what is helpful for you (and mentally delete the rest)...be confident in your parenting skills --God gave YOU your kids. You know them best...so do what's best for them!

Being Thankful Makes it Beautful

As I walked through the yard a few weeks ago I came upon a very unique looking pine branch. The end of the branch forked out in about a dozen or so smaller branches--making it look like a mini tree. I snagged it seeing the potential for a craft later on. The branch is now a thanksgiving tree ...or the start of one anyway. Inspired by my reading of 1000 Gifts, our family has been working on individual "thankful" lists--both in journal format and in discussion at the supper table. The tree, I thought, would be tangible way for the kids to really see the accumulation of thankfulness. I explained the idea of the thankful tree to them and we began making "leaves of thankfulness for the tree." They made several wonderful observations. 1. The tree was not very pretty without leaves/needles (Gabe quickly pointed out that taping paper maple leaves to a pine branch was close to sacrilegious) 2. that as the tree has accumulated leaves in just a week it has become more beautiful....thus being thankful makes even the ugly--or not so pretty beautiful.


Lately I have really struggled with finding the "thankful" in the not so beautiful parts of life. As I strive to see with eyes of thankfulness, as I pray to see all life events as God sees them...the kids' memory verse from several weeks ago plays over and over in my head..."Give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thesselonians 5:18. So if you are reading this post and are struggling through some "ugly" I challenge you to find some "beauty"...in being thankful.

Thankful

I have been reading a great book with a great bunch of gals. Reading Ann Voskamp's 1000 Gifts has given me a new perspective...new lenses through which to view my life. So here is a portion of my thankful list in photos from our little Acadia getaway...

56. cliffs to climb

57. cliffs conquered

58. nothing like a rack o dogs on the fire

59. eating sand

60. wave running

61. Amazing birch paths

62. my troops

63. baby salamanders
64. the impish one

65. the birthday boy who wanted to go camping for his bday




66. journaling boys


67. BOB

68. Jiffy pop-- only while camping

69. Wonderful Husband (who did all the cooking and cleaning all weekend)

Backyard Camping...continued

Many years ago my brother and our neighbor had decided to build a hideout. They used big (you know the huge ones) cinder blocks and stacked them in a rough square right in the middle of the yard (not very secret). I remember watching them and thinking on one hand that the whole secret hideout was cool but on the other hand I wasn't convinced cinder blocks were the ideal choice for building material. They soon completed their construction and were "hiding out" in it. I was messing around in the backyard listening to them laugh and talk when quite suddenly THE ENTIRE structure collapsed on them! I was terrified-frozen watching knowing they were as flat as pancakes under all those cinder blocks. Much to my surprise they emerged from the rubble whooping and hollering with joy--yelling they had survived the challenge. I was both relieved and completely puzzled at this display of testosterone.
This morning I glimpsed that same bravado-the same pride and joy that comes with a boy completing the first of many rites of passage. They made it all night. They are proud and excited to do it again...this time I am not puzzled I am proud and a little nostalgic as I look at their chubby fingered, dimpled baby photos on the wall...

Savoring Summer- Backyard Camping

Part Deux

The boys have decided this year they want to camp in the backyard- BY THEMSELVES. We decided-sure why not. They love Brian's WWII re-enactment tent so Brian bought a few more (modern ones so who cares if they get ruined) and tonight is the BIG night. Now mind you I say part deux as we tried this about a week ago. We had a family campfire--snuggling by the fire my husband and I--the little two in bed, the older two snuggled into their sleeping bags in their tent a few yard away. Brian and I decided to retire for the night at about 10:15. Jaden was sound asleep, Gabe was ...well at least quiet. At 10:30 both boys came crashing through the door--we were too scared by ourselves! Brian and I quickly hid our knowing grins and said it was ok...we would try again another time. Well tonight's the night...so we will savor the campfire tonight, watch the stars, play with lightening bugs, listen to the boys wrestle and giggle...and maybe they will camp out---I don't mind either way...part of me is glad they still are nervous....and want to be in close to us...I can handle that, they can stay little longer...