My Free Range Journey

This is going to be a bit of an unusual post for me---more reflection and personal realization than documenting family events. More vulnerable. More of my heart.  Here goes...
           I recently read Free-Range Kids: Giving our Children the Freedom We Had without Going Nuts With Worry.  First the title intrigued me--just what does free-range kid mean? Seriously, the picture that came to mind was a herd of kids grazing in a field. Long Hair. Wild eyes. This is not too far from the reality. What I have surmised upon reading is that most of us 30 somethings--and older were free rangers. We grew up playing outside from dawn till the street lights came on. We walked to school or at least to the bus stop. We went to the corner store by ourselves. We played at our neighbors. We were free. We were among the 70% of kids who played outside (compare that with the mere 30% of today --ugh) (Skenazy 8). So what happened? How did we go from being wild and free to being too scared to let our kids out of our sight?(what Skenazy calls "helicopter parenting")  I was raised "free range" and knew it was something I wanted for MY kids --but then I actually HAD kids and my whole world view changed. Why??? Is this world really so horribly different than the one I grew up in? ARE more kids being killed? Abducted? (and all those other horrible things that can happen, are they really happening more?) Skenazy presents tons of evidence, statistics (if you want to have those statistics read the book I am not going to list them all here) proposing that things aren't really worse than they were--only these bad things are more visible (thank you to the news stations). Of course the media wouldn't be what it is without ratings and we all know how they get those--the cliff hanger--leaving us teetering on the edge of our seats with suspense---and fear. I bought into  that--as they say hook, line and sinker. I bought the line that everybody is out to get my kids, take them, hurt them. Only here's the crazy part: I did not know how intensely I held that lie to my heart until a few years ago.
     My older two wanted to ride their bikes around the block-ALONE. I just about had a heart attack. "WHY?" I asked. "Just because, mom" (boys then 7 and 5) My husband told them yes. I proceeded to hyperventilate. He looked at me curiously--what's the big deal? You walk the block with them and the dog everyday--sometimes twice a day, they know all the neighbors, you taught them to stay on the side of the road, AND its a quiet block--one side is a dead end street--what are you worried about? What was I worried about??? I started ticking off my mental list and then HE said, "they'll be fine. You cannot hold their hand ALL the time." So there it began. My personal journey in letting go and allowing my kids to graze freely ..ummm I mean be free range. It is not an easy road of letting go. Often I find myself closing my eyes and "not looking".
    So last summer when the bigs (then almost 8 and 6) decided to build an outdoor shelter out of branches and request to sleep outside...well I relented with some stipulations. My husband purchased army pup tents (much better than a pile of branches they can do that when they are older) . They had to stay in their tent after we went to bed and if one decided not to finish the night outside he had to make sure and drag his brother in. They had a BLAST. I, on the other hand, did not sleep a wink. They were so proud of themselves. I was proud too... of them and myself. I did it! And nothing bad happened!
So the journey continues to the present day--I need to run around the corner to the veggie stand. Older boys are enmeshed in a game. They do not want to leave. I call my husband. He says they will be fine. I sigh. Boy this is NOT easy. I leave. I pick up veggies and fruit. I return. They are FINE. In fact, it was easier to not drag them away from their game. Now I leave them once a week for an hour or so--with rules- no going outside (unless there's a fire) no answering the phone and obviously no answering the door.
   This is a hard walk for me. I worry so much about what other moms will think of me--will they think I am a BAD mom? If someone finds out will they call the cops on me? (yes I have had that happen--long story short kids were in the car in a parking lot, I was standing about 20 feet away talking to another mom within sight of the car-several hours later I received a phone call from the police asking if I had left my children unattended in a parking lot at such and such time???? seriously???) I was freaked for months years (till today.) I am worried that somebody will accuse me of being a BAD mom and take my kids from me.
Ahhh but then I hear a gentle whisper---Louise--hello it's me GOD---read your BIBLE. umm ok. and these scriptures pop through my head like heated popcorn kernels ...."For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of sound mind and body."  2 Titus 1:7 Oh yah and do not forget--don't worry  (check out Mathew 6:25)

this is SO classic-try to get them posed for a NICE picture and this is what you  get...

Right I know, but these are MY kids--my heart walking outside my body.
And then HE says ummm no they are MINE. I can take care of them. TRUST ME. ugh. ok.
 So there it is. This is what this book made me think about. It is worth reading. She is FUNNY. Her statistics are a bit startling. And like any other parenting advice book--take what is helpful for you (and mentally delete the rest)...be confident in your parenting skills --God gave YOU your kids. You know them best...so do what's best for them!